i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
