You made me cry and you don't even care
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
