that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
