shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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