This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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