im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
