I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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