the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
