By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
