We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize