dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
