Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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