he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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