So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
