I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
