I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
