peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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