How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
