my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
