While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
