So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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