Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
