I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
