oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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