I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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