you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
