he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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