Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
