yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You ruined the universe
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
