I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
