The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
