she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize