So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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