Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
