I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
