So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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