Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still dying that you shit outside
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
