I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
