last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
BRING THE BAGELS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
