You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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