Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
