new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
