I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
