I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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