sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
