big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize