you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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