She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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