so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
