So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize