Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize