Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
