She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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