You're my little dorito
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
