On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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