she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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