i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
