ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
