sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
