Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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