TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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