I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
