im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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