Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Randomize
