that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
