So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
