What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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