If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
