youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
