Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
